Alternate Always
by The Keddster
Summary: What might have happened if they had their movie date as scheduled! "Oh God, please don't bite your lip again." "Why not?" "Because it makes me want to kiss you."
1. Chapter 1

**Alternate Always:**

**A/N: This began life as the draft of my very first fanfic, but I never did anything with it. So now I've re-read this, modified it and turned it into another Always fic; because I couldn't shake the question… What might have happened if the break-in at Montgomery's had been a coincidence and they'd had their movie night as planned?**

**I also tried weaving some of the actual 'Always' dialogue into the story (obviously in a different context) and '_writing_' their thoughts/internal dialogue. So sentences in **_**italics **_**represent what's going on in their heads. Hope it doesn't confuse you. ****There's also a few F-bombs floating around... that's OK for a 'T' rating isn't it?**

Disclaimer: I sincerely appreciate having such wonderful characters to borrow, and I try to treat them as I would my own.

**Chapter 1**

"You like John Woo?" Castle asks.

"The bloodier the better." Beckett confesses with a sideways glance.

He pauses, thinks it's now or never and asks, "You wouldn't want to join me, would you?"

"Actually, I'd love to," she answers without hesitation and there's a smile and a _look_, and it takes his breath away for a second.

_Did she just say yes? Here I am bracing myself for a Beckett death-stare or at the very least an eye roll and she just said yes. Holy shit._

"You coming Castle?" she says with a look he can't quite decipher but whatever the _look_ is, he knows it's deliberate, knows she's messing with him and he doesn't care.

* * *

Detective Kate Beckett is at her desk, a clear murder board beside her and a just-finished pile of paperwork in front of her. Earlier in the day they cleared a case that initially looked like it was going to stir up a hornet's nest surrounding her shooting and the death of their beloved Captain Montgomery, but to everyone's relief they discovered that the break-in at his home was in fact a random coincidence and their dead suspect in that robbery had simply been murdered by members of his former gang.

The relief amongst the team was immeasurable and they all took advantage of the unexpected early-mark; all except Kate. Instead, she has spent several hours dotting the last 'I' and crossing the last 'T' because she loves the rare feeling of going home knowing her desk is clear, loose ends are tied and that a new day will begin with a clean slate. However, as the afternoon gives way to evening she's feeling a little jumpy and unsettled. Finishing paperwork usually gives her a sense of calm satisfaction but not this time because tonight, instead of taking that sense of calm home with her and spending the evening relaxing with a glass of wine, a hot bath and a good book, she's got a date with Richard Castle.

Well, she _thinks_ it's a date. A guy asks a girl to his house, they are going to be alone, there's probably going to be food and alcohol involved… yep, it sounds like a date and Kate is a combination of nervous and excited. She's completely lost in her own head, busy over-analysing what this turn of events may or may not _mean_, when she almost misses her phone vibrating on the desk beside her.

"Hey Castle, is the ceremony over already?"

"Yep, the class of 2012 has actually left the building. Watch out New York City," he says with a chuckle, then teases her. "Just checking you haven't fallen asleep at your desk."

"No Castle, wide awake," she laughs. "And before this becomes some sort of running joke with you, I've only ever fallen asleep at my desk once." _That he knows about._

"Yes, and you looked adorable," he says and it causes a tiny flutter in her belly. But then he ruins it. "That is, until I saw the drool."

Kate does her best to stifle a laugh, "What do you want Castle?"

There's a stutter and a brief pause on his end and Kate starts to suspect that he's nervous. She wonders if he's calling to check that she hasn't chickened out and she briefly considers teasing him but can't bring herself to do it. If he's half as worked up as she is about their movie night…

Castle interrupts her musing, "Just wondering what time you think you'll get here?"

"Is seven okay?" she asks, looking at her watch and noting that if she leaves now she'll have an hour to shower and change. _Surely that's enough time, a small internal voice whispers. You're not 'frocking up' for cocktail hour, you're just going to spend an evening sprawled on Castle's couch. _"Can I bring anything?"

"Nope, just yourself." _And your toothbrush, clean underwear and some work clothes for tomorrow, he adds silently. Settle Rick, you're just gonna drink some wine, eat some food and watch a movie. Baby steps._

"Okay, I'll see you at seven then."

"Until then Detective," he says softly and hangs up.

The traffic gods smile on her and the drive home is remarkably quick, giving her just _ove_r an hour to get ready and to her astonishment, she uses every minute of it. By the time she shaves her legs, washes her hair and does her make-up, more than half her time is gone. _Just as well no other areas need hair removal she thinks, thanks to Wendy. Hang on Kate, you go to Wendy because she's the queen of Brazilian waxing. Why should that matter tonight, it's not like you'll be getting naked with Castle after one date. _She gives her head a gentle shake to clear the mental images she has conjured and redirects her mind to wardrobe selection.

Fifteen minutes, seven ensembles and four underwear selections later she still hasn't decided what to wear and wishes Lanie was here to help her._ Oh no Kate, Lanie must never know about this because you are being ridiculous. It's Castle for heaven's sake… yeah, and it's because it's Castle that you're so worked up. It might just be movies at his place, but this is huge._

"Ugghhhhh," Kate yells aloud in sheer frustration, and quickly chooses a matching set of deep mauve underwear, her favourite skinny jeans and a pair of black ballet flats. Then it's just a matter of the shirt, and eventually she decides on a pretty, scoop neck T-shirt two or three shades darker than her underwear. It's her favourite colour, it's girly and comfortable and her eyes look greener when she wears it. _And admit it Kate, you like how it tends to fall off one shoulder and you think Castle might like it too. Pathetic Beckett, pathetic._

* * *

Castle can't decide if he should set the table or keep it casual and eat on the couch. He wants the evening to be relaxed but he also wants to impress. Beckett is coming over, not to talk about work or celebrate closing a case, she's coming over because he asked her to join him for a movie and she said yes. It seems so simple, like no big deal but it's _monumental _for them and he wants it, whatever _it_ is to be right; good wine, good food, good company and hopefully just a hint that _she_ too considers tonight to be an actual date because he sure as hell does, and he hopes it might be the first of many.

As he checks on the food in the oven and pops the salad in the fridge he decides against setting the table. Instead he stacks plates, cutlery and glasses, along with an unopened bottle of Shiraz on the counter and heads for the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later he's standing in his bedroom, towel slung around his waist as he tries to decide what to wear and he shakes his head in frustrated disbelief at the mounting pile of shirts on his bed. He's chosen jeans but can't pick a shirt because a button down might seem like he's trying too hard, but a Green Lantern T-shirt might seem like he's not trying hard _enough._ Eventually he goes with a plain white slim-fit Tee because it fits in all the right places and it looks good with the dark denim of his jeans._ Jesus Rick, you're acting like a teenager, a teenage girl at that. Get a grip man, she'll be here any minute._

And as if some psychic force is at play, the doorbell rings and he races to answer it. Pausing briefly, he checks his hair,_ you really are a girl sometimes,_ takes a deep breath and pulls the door open.

"Kate," he says, one deep syllable that sounds steadier than he feels. As is often the case when he sees her like this, smiling and looking casual and comfy instead of all 'detective-y', most of the air leaves his lungs. _God she's gorgeous._ "Come in, come in."

Kate steps over the threshold and she briefly wonders if there's some sort of metaphor there; stepping into Castle's loft and possibly into something new, _with him._ He leans in then and surprises them both by kissing her softly on the cheek, making her breath catch and she's highly suspicious that she may have blushed just a tiny bit. _Yep, definitely stepping into something._

"Hey Castle. Smells good in here," she says, mostly meaning the food but he's so close that she gets a whiff of him too and he smells amazing; all clean and spicy and just, yum. _Jeez Kate, you'd swear you'd never smelled expensive after-shave, the way you're reacting._

"My famous spinach and ricotta cannelloni. Not a lot of time for cooking after the graduation ceremony, but it's easy and delicious," he says as they gravitate towards the kitchen.

"Even if you do say so yourself," she teases and tries to stop herself devouring him with her eyes, but _dammit he looks hot._ "So, you're the father of a high school graduate. How does it feel?"

"Terrifying," he answers with a smile, but she can tell there's at least a sliver of truth in that one word. "Her speech was perfect and naturally, I cried through most of it."

"Manly tears of course."

"Nope, great big fat girly ones," he admits as he raises the unopened wine bottle and she nods. He's pouring the wine when he adds, "I can't believe she'll be gone in a few months. I know she's not going far but..."

When he hands her a glass she sees the sadness in his eyes, and without thinking about it, she takes the wine from him and gives his hand a gentle squeeze. It's meant to be comforting, a gesture of moral support, but there's a crackle of electricity in their touch and just like the time he took her hand when he dropped Royal the dog off at her apartment, their eyes meet and they have a _moment._

Actually it's more like three or four moments that set their fingers tingling, their hearts racing and the sexual tension in the room soaring. Apart from their hands, they aren't touching anywhere else but they are close enough to feel each other's body heat, witness their pupils dilate and sense the others' tightly wound body language. When Castle begins gently rubbing the pad of his thumb across her fingers she gives a barely audible gasp, but _he_ hears it and suddenly drops his gaze from her eyes to her slightly parted lips.

_God I want to kiss her and if she does that lip-biting thing I'm not going to be able to help myself. _And then, as if on cue, she does it; takes her bottom lip between her teeth and he watches, enraptured as she bites down firmly before gradually allowing the flesh to slide free of its brutal entrapment. _I wonder if the way she punishes that lip has left some sort of callous. I so want to run my tongue over it and find out._

He unconsciously tugs on the hand he's still stroking, gently pulling her closer and she doesn't resist, just leans in slightly, her gaze a little wide-eyed but unwavering and then suddenly the moment is shattered by a loud buzzing from the kitchen. They spring apart immediately, more than a little startled and Castle stumbles to the oven to switch off the screeching timer, signalling that their dinner is cooked. _Oh Jeez, she's been here five minutes and I already can't keep my hands off her. Yeah well Rick, she didn't seem to mind. Just be yourself, and make it your adult self, not your horny teenager self. Yeah, like there's a difference when she's around._

"Cannelloni al Castle," he manages to croak as he pulls the food from the oven, surprised he manages even a single word. "Hope you're hungry."

_You have no idea. _It's a response she's used before but this time she doesn't say it out loud. Instead she smiles, nods enthusiastically and takes an enormous steadying breath. "I'm starving."

It takes them both a little while, but focussing on serving dinner provides sufficient distraction to allow some equilibrium to return and by the time they settle themselves on the couch, plates and wine glasses in hand, they have pulled themselves together.

The conversation over dinner starts with... _dinner_; compliments for, and questions about recipes and secret ingredients and he admits he puts pumpkin in the spinach & ricotta mix. Eventually though, they relax and really begin to talk; teasing, joking, laughing and even though there is an undeniable sizzling tension surrounding them, sparks of electricity every time their fingertips brush or knees bump, it's easy and familiar and he can't remember them being this relaxed in a very long time.

"I have dessert. Ice cream. You want some?" he asks as they take their dishes to the kitchen.

"Movie first? I can't fit another thing in just yet," she smiles, rubbing her stomach for effect.

"I'm not surprised. You can certainly _eat_ Beckett," he teases, but can't tear his eyes away from the brief glimpse bare Beckett belly he just saw. "I've seen you devour a hamburger faster than _me_. I'm not sure where you put it though."

"Gee, thanks Castle. You sure know how to charm a girl," she says from her position near the island bench, where she is now resting her elbows as she watches him bending over the dishwasher. His jeans are slung low, his shirt is riding up and she has to literally shake her head to stop herself leering at him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean..."

"It's okay Castle. I'm just teasing you." _And looking at your butt!_

He looks over at her then, grinning widely because he's fairly sure he catches her staring at his ass, which seems like a fair trade-off because the way she's leaning on the counter is giving him a fairly spectacular view down the front of her shirt._ So, Kate Beckett wears purple lace... good to know. I wonder if she's wearing a matching set? Jeez Rick, don't let your head go there unless you're planning a cold shower before the movie._

Kate refills their wine glasses while he wipes down the benches and as she carries them to the couch she looks back towards him in all his domestic glory and for the second time that day says, "You coming Castle?"

They glance at each other, he raises an acknowledging eyebrow and she smiles, switching off some of the lights before making herself comfortable and waits for him to join her. As he approaches he watches her, barefoot and cross-legged on his couch, slowly sipping her wine and he can't help himself, he studies her. She looks younger when she's relaxed and casual, _softer_. And tonight, tonight she just looks...

"Staring, Castle. Didn't we come to some sort of agreement about that?" Kate asks, feigning annoyance but she turns and grins widely at him so he knows he's not really in trouble.

"Hmm. You apparently, are of the opinion that my staring is creepy, and I may have agreed to stop doing it." _Except you look good enough to eat and I can't take my eyes off you._

"Just come and sit down, Castle. I won't bite."

_Yeah, but I might; your neck, your toes, everywhere in between... no, no, no and no. Stop it Rick. Pure thoughts, keep thinking pure thoughts. Hah, you haven't had a pure thought about this woman since... forever. You're a grown man for heaven's sake, pull yourself together and sit down... I wonder how close I can sit without freaking her out? My preference would be both of us horizontal, her head on my chest... or mine on hers. Bad idea; now I'm thinking about other horizontal positions which involve nudity. Start the movie Rick, distract yourself._

"The Killer or Hard Boiled?" He asks, hoping she hasn't noticed the sudden huskiness of his voice.

"Surprise me."

He chooses Hard Boiled and flops down next to her, remote in one hand, his wine in the other. Their bodies are close, close enough to lean into each other if they want to, but far enough apart that physical contact would have to be a deliberate.

Initially, they find themselves absorbed in the film, her occasional startle and his intermittent squealing a source of frequent laughter and teasing, but eventually they both end up spending more time sneaking covert glances at the other than they do actually watching the movie. Inevitably their eyes meet and when they do, their gazes lock and they both experience a deep sense of deja vu; a couch in a Los Angeles hotel room, gentle and heartfelt words, lingering gazes and the same potent yet terrifying force drawing them together. They felt it then and they can feel it now, the inexplicable pull and the powerful physical reactions; raised pulses, sweaty palms and tentacles of desire unfurling low in butterfly filled stomachs.

"I came back out of my room that night in L.A." she confesses, certain _his_ mind has drifted back to the same memory as hers, watching him as her admission registers across his face, in his eyes.

He stuns her then with a confession of his own, "I was pretty sure I heard your door open just as I was closing mine, but I was too afraid to look."

"Why?"

"Because it wasn't the right time, Kate. You were grieving and you were still with Josh and..."

"And you were looking after me, like you always do."

"Yeah, I guess, but believe me Kate, I was tempted."

"Me too," she whispers, her eyes downcast, and it's barely audible. _Oh__, I was so tempted and I wasn't even thinking about Josh. God, I've never cheated on anyone in my life but that night... shit!_

His arm is stretched along the back of the couch and he reaches for her, places a finger under her chin to lift her face and encourages her to look at him; and she does. There's shyness there and he thinks it's cute; not that he'd ever utter the words cute and Kate Beckett out loud in the same sentence if he wanted to keep all his body parts. There's also something else there and he's hoping his instincts are right because, what he thinks he sees, what he hopes is there, is _longing._

His finger leaves her chin then, and he gently tucks a wayward curl behind her ear before cupping her cheek in his palm; and they don't make a sound. She leans into his touch, lowers her eyelids briefly when he strokes her face with his thumb and then they let their emotions pour out through their eyes; both of them seeing some of their own feelings mirrored by the other.

When he suddenly detects a subtle twitch of her lower lip, their silence is broken, "Oh God, please don't bite your lip again."

"Why not?"

"Because it makes me want to kiss you."

* * *

**As usual, I had trouble stopping once I got started and a one-shot has morphed into three chapters. The next one will be up tomorrow or the next day… providing anyone wants to read it of course. Please review and pass on your thoughts.**

**There will be both a 'T' and a 'M' version of the final chapter because I couldn't help it… I love writing smut! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, I'm totally floored by all the alerts, faves and reviews - you are all awesome... Thank you so much. **

**This starts with a little recap, then off we go... into Chapter 2. Oh, and I stole a line from the Season 4 bloopers. Still 'T' until Chapter 3.**

* * *

"Oh God, please don't bite your lip again."

"Why not?"

"Because it makes me want to kiss you."

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Castle hears a barely audible intake of breath and he watches his words register, looks to see if he has spooked her, but her gaze doesn't waver and her sometimes amber, sometimes green eyes bore into his. Her lips are parted now, in a surprised _oh; _and oh he wants to press his own lips to them as the air crackles with intense, undeniable energy.

_God, those eyes. Cool blue, but when he looks at me like that I feel the opposite of cool, _Kate thinks, her mind racing as rapidly as her heart, her whole body overheated and tingling. Again his thumb caresses the curve of her cheekbone, a feather-light touch that elicits a soft sigh and she wonders if he can feel the scorching heat of her skin against his palm.

With a barely perceptible movement he leans closer and as she unconsciously cants forward her gaze drifts immediately to his mouth, now just millimetres from _hers_. She can feel his breath on her face, smell the wine and she wants to taste it, taste _him._

_She's going to let me kiss her and it's... it's just... wow. _And as these thoughts swirl around in Castle's head their lips brush, soft and almost tentative at first and it feels surreal, like it must be a dream, and he's half expecting her to pull away; that is until he lightly brushes his tongue over her oft-tortured bottom lip and she moans softly into his mouth. He's thinking how this is the second time he's heard that sound from her, the first time was during their under cover kiss, and he already loves it; then suddenly, tentative morphs into something entirely different and _Oh God, Kate Beckett has her tongue in my mouth_.

Warm wet mouths open, eager tongues tease and explore as the kiss deepens, while the hand on her face slides to the back of her neck. Both Kate's palms drift upward, coming to rest against his chest and she can feel his heart thundering against his ribs. She knows her own pulse is beating an almost identical rhythm because _this_, just kissing him, just the feel of his mouth on hers, his fingers tangling in her hair, his broad chest under her hands is mind-blowing and very quickly they both want _more_; because what else can they expect when the lid has just popped off four years worth of unresolved sexual tension like a Champagne cork from a shaken bottle. _God, I want to peel his clothes off, right here on his couch_.

When Kate glides her tongue along the roof of his mouth, then takes his bottom lip between her teeth, Castle reluctantly drags his lips from hers; because unless he breaks the spell her warm, willing and demanding mouth is casting over him, he doesn't think he'll be able to resist the urge to touch her. _You need to slow down Rick, or you're gonna ruin this. Admitting, through subtext, that she thinks she's ready for this, that her wall is almost down, doesn't mean there isn't a gigantic pile of rubble to navigate before jumping from dinner and a movie to... getting each other naked._

They are both panting, a little overcome by the intensity of the moment and Castle is almost afraid to meet her eyes because, while he's expecting uncertainty, he doesn't think he can bear it if he sees panic or worse still, regret. But when he looks into the depths of her eyes, none of those things are reflected in the now chocolate pools; what he sees instead is unabashed desire, a smouldering need that she apparently has every intention of giving in to because right then she strokes her fingers across his jaw and neck, to the base of his throat, and into the V of his T-shirt. He wants so badly to believe what he's seeing but there's still a small part of his subconscious, that tiny part of his psyche where the last vestiges of hurt, betrayal and fear still linger, that doesn't let him completely trust this.

Her fingertips brush the skin of his chest, warm smooth fingers over firm, slightly hair roughened flesh and despite his fear that this is too good to be true, _his_ good intentions go up in flames, right along with any chance of resisting the unmistakable, almost magnetic pull drawing them together.

"Kate," he croaks, his voice low and unusually rough in a whispered attempt to ask all the unasked questions. _Are you sure about this? Are you really ready for this? Is this what you want? Am I what you want? Are you ready to let me love you?_

Looking beyond the undeniable lust in his eyes, she can see the questions there, and she watches closely as a myriad of emotions flicker across his face; disbelief, doubt, restraint but there's also hope and an almost child-like wonder, that this really might be about to happen. They might actually be about to cross that invisible but palpable line that has kept them apart, but has also succeeded in fanning the embers of the smouldering tension that has been part of them since they met. It has flared and even sparked to life on occasion, only to be ignored or doused by a thick blanket of fear and denial but right here, right now Kate is more certain of this, of _them_ than she has ever been about anything in her life.

_God, how can someone who's looking at me like he wants to eat me alive, look so terrified at the same time? _And then it hits her; _she_ did this to him with her hiding, her denial, her fear and her lying and the doubt she's seeing in his eyes isn't a reflection of his own uncertainty - he's doubting _her_. Kate is filled with a deep sense of regret and here with him, like this, it manifests as a sudden sharp sting in her eyes and the rapid pooling of salty tears that spill down her cheeks before she has a chance to blink them away.

"I'm so sorry Castle… I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry," she whispers, leaning in to breathe her apology against his lips as her fingers splay gently against the side of his face, her tears leaving salty trails on both their skin.

He doesn't kiss her back and when he actively pulls away from her and lifts himself up off the couch she looks up at him and it's then that she realises he has completely misunderstood her tears and her apology. The look of utter devastation on his face almost breaks her heart and she's certain that the wetness on his face is no longer all _her_ doing. And then suddenly, he opens his mouth and four years worth of frustration, of hoping and waiting and wanting comes pouring out of him.

"Jesus Kate. _Don't_. Don't hide behind your wall and don't back away from the way I feel about you because we both know you heard me that day." His voice breaks, thick with emotion as he continues. "Four years is a long time Kate. Four years I've been right here. Four years just waiting for you to open your eyes and see that I'm right here. That I'm more than a partner."

"No Castle, no," she says, a pleading, apologetic tone in her voice as she too stands. But he misses it, doesn't let her finish because he's finally laying everything on the table and even if she doesn't want to, even if she doesn't want _him_, she's damned well going to hear him out.

"Every morning I bring you a cup of coffee just so I can see a smile on your face because I think you are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I have ever met, and I love you Kate. And if that means anything to you, if you care about me at all..."

The raw emotion in his voice, the pain in his eyes causes her chest to tighten and her stomach to lurch, but it's his_ words_, always his words that bring her undone; and since she has been so spectacularly unsuccessful communicating with _her_ words, confusing him, hurting him, she does the only thing she can think of. She launches herself at him, presses herself against him as she flings her arms around his neck and crashes her mouth back to his.

They kiss each other senseless, it's fast and desperate and untidy and it's _everything_. Kate is pouring herself into this kiss; her apology, her _need_ for him and her desperation to have him finally understand her feelings. And he is returning the kiss in kind, his emotions a confused blend of elation and defeat because her words are telling him one thing while her mouth and her body are telling him another. She's an intoxicating combination of lithe muscle and soft curves as she presses her body to the front of his and he can't resist her, drags her closer and allows his body to react to the feel of her breasts against his chest, her hips against his, her tongue delving deeply into the warm recesses of his mouth.

"Dammit Beckett, what do you want?" he demands roughly, suddenly dragging his lips from hers.

She looks him directly in the eye, into those beautiful tear-brightened blue eyes and says, "You... I just want you... I'm not apologising because I _don't_ want this. I'm apologising because I _do_. I've hurt you, I've pushed you away and I've lied to you and I'm so sorry. I just couldn't let myself mess this up because you're my _always, _Rick."

Time slows down then, for both of them as they stand face to face in his darkened living room, her hands resting on his shoulders and his on her hips as they process their new reality, as relief and joy unfurl like the wings of a newly-hatched butterfly. Castle allows her words to wash over him, allows the knowledge that she wants this as badly as he does to sink into his soul, while Kate takes a deep shuddering breath as she realises how free and how incredibly happy she feels. Castle still loves her and she's ready to let him, and she beams her thousand-watt smile right at him.

A long, wonderful silence ensues, where they are completely lost in the moment, lost in each other, until eventually they are engulfed by a flood of elated, erratic and ridiculous thoughts born of excitement, nervousness and anticipation.

_Always, she said _always_. Would it be completely inappropriate for me to do a happy dance right now, or run up to the roof terrace and shout it to the whole of Manhattan... Kate Beckett wants me. God, this is so _not_ how I thought tonight would go. I was hoping I might get to kiss her goodnight but now, now I'm going to kiss her _all_ night because she's going to _stay_ the night. Oh shit, she _is_ going to spend the night isn't she? Damn, I should've put clean sheets on the bed. Condoms, do I have condoms? It's been so freaking long I can't even remember. Shit. Shit. Calm down Rick, take a deep breath. Oh fuck, who am I kidding? I could take a Valium now and it wouldn't calm me down... I'm about to see Beckett naked; well technically I've already seen her naked, but this time there's no explosion - unless you count my head cos it might explode any second. Crap, did I put decent boxers on?_

_Should we be talking now? What should I say? God, I'm so _bad_ at this. And I can't concentrate with him standing so close because dammit he smells so good and he's staring at me like he can see me naked. Fuck, we're probably about to see _each other_ naked, aren't we? Oh, thank God I shaved my legs and wore decent underwear and bless you Wendy for squeezing me in this week. But maybe we should wait? Jeez, who am I trying to kid; this has been a day for honesty and honestly, I don't want to wait... we've waited four freaking years, so to answer your question Dr Bourke... What do I want?... I wanna fuck his brains out. Okay, enough. Mind out of the gutter Kate, and off the soon-to-be naked man, in fact mind off, full stop. Stop over-thinking this, and just go with it. Man, he looks nervous... that's actually kinda sweet. God, I love him._

They both emerge from their musings simultaneously, exchanging amused grins. "Penny for your thoughts, Detective."

"Not a chance, Castle. Nobody is _ever_ going to be privy to the conversation I was just having in my head," Kate chuckles. "What about you? I think your mind might've wandered too."

"Oh it did, to some dirty, dirty places," he teases. "I might tell you one day. Wouldn't wanna shock you just yet."

"Oh, I'm pretty hard to shock, Castle."

"Is that so?" he whispers as he leans in slightly. "Remind me to test that theory sometime."

And there it is, in the space of a minute, after the emotion, after everything that's just been said, the banter is back. Their whole universe has just tilted on its axis but they are still _them,_ and they'll work stuff out as they go but right now, they have a 'date' to get back to.

"Castle."

"Yeah?"

"Shhh." Kate says softly and presses her finger to his lips to silence him and when he tries to bite it she replaces the digit with her mouth.

This time the kiss builds slowly, until they are both breathless, craving more, but despite their mutual eagerness, they take their time. It's a slow burn and they savour it, revelling in every aching, passionate and glorious moment. Their tongues caress and explore, their warm wet lips tease and taste and when Castle runs his tongue along the inside of her bottom lip before tugging it between his teeth, she moans into his mouth.

"God, I love it when you do that," he says against her mouth before planting light kisses along her jaw, towards her ear and once he reaches it, he takes the lobe into his mouth. "There are so many ways I want to make you moan, Kate."

_Oh yes please, _she thinks with a shiver, the involuntary movement not just a reaction to his words, because one of his hands has just found its way under her shirt and is caressing the bare skin of her lower back. She shivers again as his fingertips drift from her back to her belly and sneak just inside the waistband of her jeans, drifting slowly from one hipbone to the other. The feel of his hands on her elevates the wonderful anticipation of feeling his skin not only _under_ her fingers, but pressed against every inch of her naked flesh, and Kate can't wait.

Both her hands slip under the hem of his shirt, landing immediately on his pecs and in a measured and calculated move she drags all ten fingernails lightly down his chest and over his abs to his belt as she thrusts her tongue deeply into his mouth. It's meant to drive him a little crazy and it must, because she has to swallow the deep moan that rumbles from him and she feels his hands tense against her skin, but it's the way his abs tense and quiver that lets her know she's really accomplished her goal.

They are still standing in his living room, fused at the mouth, bodies pressed together, tentative but eager hands searching and exploring and it's not enough. Kate doesn't want to rush because they'll only ever have one first time together but this is torture. _C'mon Castle, go all Neanderthal on me and drag me to your cave. _

He must sense her mounting impatience because he tears his mouth away and locks eyes with her, mainly to reassure himself that there's no residual doubt or uncertainty in her eyes but also, just so he can look at her because he _loves_ looking at her, and in this moment she's all dishevelled, flushed and kiss-swollen and his desire ramps up to an entirely new level. _God_, _I've never wanted a woman as badly as I want her_. _Please don't let me embarrass myself_. And then he whisks her shirt over her head in a move so fast it makes Kate's head spin.

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**OK, so had to stop there because the fun is about to start... and you'll have two options. Chapter 3 (coming soon and still 'T') or an 'M' version of Chapter 3 that I'll upload as a separate story titled 'Alternate Always. The Mature Chapter.' You get to decide which version you read, but if you're not morally opposed to a little smut, I'd go for the 'M' chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

**OMG. Thank you so much for all the interest in this story - you all rock. Warms my little writer's heart that people are enjoying this and wow, your reviews... totally awesome. Here's a little recap, then onward...**

**If you'd like to read the 'dirty' version of this chapter, there's an 'M' story titled 'Alternate Always. The Mature Chapter' with all the smutty parts included.**

**NOTE: The Mature Chapter has been temporarily removed - my apologies.**

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He _loves_ looking at her, and in this moment she's all dishevelled, flushed and kiss-swollen and his desire ramps up to an entirely new level. _God_, _I've never wanted a woman as badly as I want her_. _Please don't let me embarrass myself_. And then he whisks her shirt over her head in a move so fast it makes Kate's head spin.

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**Chapter 3**

Kate watches Castle's already lust-darkened eyes deepen to an inky blue; the look he's giving her is positively predatory, and suddenly she knows what all those seemingly corny lines in chic-lit are talking about, because her pulse quickens, her breath hitches, her chest heaves, her knees tremble and _holy crap,_ there's a rush of heat directly to... _Ha, I'm a romance novel cliché and it's a writer who's got me in this state. Gotta be some kind of twisted irony there. _She snaps out of her ridiculous musing to let her eyes wander over _him_; he's as dishevelled as she is, possibly a tiny bit unhinged and disbelieving, obviously aroused, and his wickedly salacious look almost makes her combust. _  
_

A million thoughts are running through Castle's mind as his eyes drift over the heart-stopping sight before him; _Kate Beckett is in my living room, in skinny jeans and a purple lace bra, breathless from kissing me, smiling and maybe trembling just a little bit. Whatever planets have aligned to make this possible, thankyou, thankyou. _But when his gaze reaches her newly exposed chest, there's a sudden, sharp intake of breath and his eyes immediately fly back to Kate's. She watches as his memory takes him back almost a year and she has a brief flashback too, as she unconsciously touches the small round scar between her breasts.

"Kate," he whispers, an obvious tremor in his voice and sudden, overwhelming sadness in his eyes.

"Don't Castle. Don't let the memory of that day spoil _this,_" she implores. "It's okay. _I'm_ okay." And as much to bolster herself as to calm and reassure him, she takes his hand and presses it between her breasts, over the scar and leans in to kiss him.

It's a gentle chaste kiss, almost comforting, and Castle feels a surge of emotions; immense gratitude that she survived, awe at her strength and a fierce, overwhelming protectiveness. It's a potent mix and when she pulls back from him, smiling widely and taking his other hand, he feels a flutter in his chest and belly that can only be described as _girly. _He entwines their fingers, gently tugging her towards his bedroom, and the look she gives him; dark, unwavering, overflowing with desire, elicits a physical reaction in him that is anything _but_ girly.

_Deep breaths Rick. Get your libido and your anxiety in check. Christ, why am I so nervous? Because it's Beckett you idiot, because you're in love with her, because she's been the subject of every one of your fantasies, all of your dirtiest thoughts for the last few years and you wanna make this good... blow her mind, make the earth move, make her melt, see fireworks. Hmmm, maybe I should have a run at writing romance novels or maybe Mommy porn... Fifty Shades of Castle? Ugghh. Calm down and focus, it'll be perfect. You're good at this Rick; you'll be good at it together. _

_Deep breath Kate. God I want him, so why am I so nervous? Because it's Castle and because four years worth of fantasies and anticipation is a hell-of-a-lot to live up to. Just relax, everything about the two of us is a perfect fit, why would sex be any different? We'll be really good at this, won't we? Only one way to find out. Wow, we're really going to do this and if he's really it, really my 'one and done,' then this is going to be the last time I have a first time with somebody. Yeah Kate, let your mind go there; that's really gonna help take the pressure off._

They are both lost in their own thoughts as they walk hand in hand across the living room, and surprisingly, their trembling tightly laced fingers is the only physical contact they make as they pass through his office. There's no frantic undressing, no trail of discarded clothing like a dirty version of Hansel and Gretel and no bumping into or climbing onto large items of furniture as they step into the private space of his bedroom. But there'll be no regret or disappointment at their apparent lack of desperation, because the way they are looking at each other, the way they touch each other in the lamplight beside his bed is breathtaking; tender, hungry, reverent and yeah, maybe just a tiny bit desperate, and it's perfect.

Castle lifts their entwined fingers to his lips and kisses hers softly before tangling the fingers of both his hands in her hair, pulling her towards him and kissing her; no teasing, no pretence, just the warm sure pressure of his lips and the bold stroke of his tongue. She opens to him immediately, releasing a small satisfied sigh, and then she sets to work on his clothes because he's wearing more than she is and they are _both_ wearing far too much.

She grabs the back of his T-shirt and when he releases her mouth to begin trailing wet kisses down the side of her neck, she takes advantage of the temporary loss of contact and drags the garment over his head. Her hands immediately come to rest against his bare chest because she's desperate to touch him and she savours the feel of solid muscle beneath her fingertips before she divests him of his pants.

They take each other in then, eyes eagerly roaming over bare skin in the warm yellow glow of the room and when their gazes drift together she follows his eyes back to her scar, watching as he tentatively touches the pink puckered area. He strokes a single fingertip over the risen but surprisingly smooth blemish, marvelling at how something so neat, so _tiny,_ could be responsible for the absolute devastation it unleashed.

Neither of them wants to dwell on any part of that day but Castle can't and won't ignore the permanent reminders _she_ sees every time she looks in the mirror and presses his lips to the bullet wound as he gently grazes his palm along the faded scar on the side of her ribs, from the surgery that saved her life.

Kate feels the surprising sting of tears as she watches him, and blames them on his infinite tenderness and his determination to not ignore what is now _part_ of her. So when he returns his gaze to hers, she smiles because she doesn't want him to freak out about the fact that she's about to cry.

He kisses her and she kisses him back, matching his tempo, and it's deep and intense and _wow, they really are good at kissing. _

"I'm feeling at a distinct disadvantage," he whispers, his breath hot against her ear. "You're still half dressed."

"So, do something about it, Writerboy," she challenges huskily as she tilts her head to the side, allowing him access to the sensitive area behind her ear, which he is torturing with his tongue.

Not needing to be asked twice, he slides her zipper down. "Jeez, Kate. Did you pour yourself into these things," he mumbles as he tugs in vain at the denim.

"Well, they weren't _this_ tight before you fed me that huge plate of Cannelloni."

"Note to self. _Next_ time, don't feed Beckett immediately before trying to get her naked."

"Shut up, and hurry up, Castle. Or there might not be a _first_ time."

He watches her wiggle and shimmy out of the ridiculously tight jeans and if it wasn't one of _the_ sexiest things he's ever seen, it would have been hilarious.

"God you're beautiful," he whispers as his eyes devour her flushed, flawless skin and the soft, delicate curves of her body; but when her passion-filled eyes bore into his, his gaze becomes unfocussed and he's a gonner. Once the last items of clothing are removed, he loses all ability to move, think or speak.

Kate swallows hard as her eyes roam appreciatively over the broad, solid lines of his body and there's a rush of heat that perfuses every capillary. When he eventually pulls her to him there's scorching intensity in his touch that's overwhelming on more than a physical level and she whimpers, biting roughly at the curve where his neck meets his shoulder.

Castle doesn't even flinch at the ferocious pressure of her teeth because right now the world could end and he wouldn't notice or even care; Kate Beckett is quivering under his touch and it's amazing and he just wants to tumble onto his bed and worship every glorious inch of her.

He walks them backwards until the backs of his knees make contact with the bed and a soft giggle erupts from Kate as they land less than elegantly. It's probably one of the most un-Beckett-like sounds he's ever heard; and he wants to hear it again and again. They are a tangle of limbs, she's half on top of him and he takes her face in his hands. She's still laughing when their eyes meet.

"I love hearing you laugh," he says as he twirls a strand of her hair around his finger, his face more serious than he means it to be because there hasn't been a lot of laughter between then recently. When he notices the smile on Kate's face start to falter he lightens the mood, "Except of course, if you're laughing at me."

She grins at him then, touches his lips with her fingers and then follows with her own lips, kissing him softly before whispering against the corner of his mouth, "Well, don't do or say anything dumb, and I won't have to laugh at you."

"So now would be a good time to shut up?"

"Think you can keep your mouth shut, Castle?"

"Can't guarantee I'll keep it _closed_, but I'm positive I can find alternate uses for it, _other_ than talking." And with that he rolls her onto her back and crashes his mouth to hers in a long and heated kiss. Minutes pass before they both take a deep, shuddering breath to temper themselves and slow things down.

"I don't want to rush this," Castle tells her as he teases her earlobe with his tongue. He has never in his entire life wanted a woman more, wanted to please her more than he does Kate and right now every nerve ending is on high alert, anticipation levels rocketing off the chart.

She too is wound tight, the ragged sound of her own breathing the only thing louder than the frantic thudding of her heart as Castle looks at her like she's the most amazing thing he's ever seen.

"Extraordinary," he whispers kissing her hungrily once more before slowing, taking their time to savour every touch, every sensation as they join together.

_Finally we're here and it feels so good and the way he's looking at me, touching me... it's perfect. _Kate feels her chest tighten and her belly flutter wildly at the intensity of his gaze and she can't help smiling at him, kissing him and eventually she allows her eyes to drift closed, allows sensation to take over and there's no more talking, no thinking, only _feeling_.

_Oh, she's smiling at me and it's soft and sexy and... Kate Beckett is in my bed, wrapped around me and it's perfect... she's perfect... God I love her._

In every area of their lives they have an undeniable rhythm, a special chemistry and it's obvious in the way they work together, the way they think alike, the way they almost read each other's minds. It's there during their conversations, in their banter, in their use of subtext, their innuendo, and the way they often finish each other's sentences. And it's undeniable now, in the physical expression of four years worth of denial, unspoken feelings and longed for touches because they are spectacularly in sync; every movement, every kiss, every touch like a perfectly choreographed dance, with the sole purpose being to express all those unspoken feelings, to bring pleasure to the other, to apologise for past hurts and to promise that this is the start of something, the beginning of _their_ _always_.

Their rhythm is flawless - every caress eliciting soft whimpers, desperate cries; and unwavering gazes communicating trust, unbridled passion and love, pure and unfiltered.

Castle is braced on his forearms, his chest lifted so he can see her and he brushes tendrils of damp hair from her beautifully flushed face. They kiss lazily, the slow glide of their tongues in direct contrast to the rhythm of their bodies, the increasing tension they are both feeling; a tension that continues to build until they change pace, let go and allow themselves to give in, succumb to the intensity, the pleasure, and reach the inevitable finale.

As they come down, the rush of love that Rick feels is sudden and fierce and he wants to say it, but he hesitates. _Don't scare her Rick, just bask in the after-glow for a bit, let those endorphins kick in and make you all boneless and love drunk. 'I love you' can come later. _He kisses her still-closed eyelids as his thoughts swirl and just as he's about to kiss the tip of her nose, her lips turn up in the smallest hint of a smile.

"I love you," she whispers, and when she hears his soft gasp, her eyes flutter open and green meets suspiciously bright blue.

"That's twice in one day."

"What?" Kate asks, confusion furrowing her brow as she reaches for his face, the hint of tears in his eyes tugging at her heart.

"Twice today the women I love most have made me cry," he says with a watery smile.

"That's because you're a big girl."

He chuckles softly and rolls to his side, arms securely around her so he can drag her with him, and as she snuggles into his side, tangling her legs with his, he strokes one finger up and down the length of her back.

She sighs contentedly and her eyes begin to drift closed. The last thing she remembers as she hovers between wakefulness and sleep is the kiss he places on the top of her head and his low whisper… 'Best date ever.'

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**This was my first attempt at a 'T' story. Hope you liked it?**


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